who needs vices when we've got ebay??? for some reason, at 6 in the AM, i felt compelled to bid for these Nike Twisted Preppie Air Trainer 1 Samples. and i'm just the type that couldn't live with a tarnished feedback record. fer fuc's sake. i'm a moron.
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such a great and unlikely weekend! we woke up early on saturday and strolled for the entire day. went to the art store to pick up supplies, went to the supermarket (the most fun i've had in a supermarket since i can remember), hit up the flea market, ate well, did some laying on the grass, bought tickets to see Radiohead in Berlin in November, and did a bit of window shopping. later that nite, the three of us went to ACUD (www.acud.de) which is this abandoned building with exposed scaffolding, in obvious disrepare. it's a centralized underground art enclave. that night, it had different floors and rooms playing different styles of music, kind of like a multi-tiered warehouse party. only this party had this drum troupe from Minsk (www.drumecstasy.om) that was unlike anything i've heard or seen before. these 3 guys were pounding out breaks like i've never heard, while another guy played a screeching eletric bass. you name it, funky breaks, nu skool breaks, latin breaks, they played everything. and their sets were unusually tight. after their show, i talked to one of the guys and gave them my info so i can get them in the studio later this year. in between sets, this adorable girl DJ bumped the best selection of trip-hop, breakbeats, and electronica i've heard in my life. i'm not even exaggerating. i honestly couldn't believe what i was hearing and seeing. this diminutive, sheepish girl rocked the party like no other. i just remember completely losing my mind and repeatedly telling Mauren that i was in love with the DJ. it blew my mind how utterly in tune our musical tastes were. she had me feeling all shiny and new. before we left, i went up to her, while she was still on the decks, asked her if she spoke english, and then tried to contain my enjoyment/excitement. we exchanged info. she's from Minsk. ochen haraschoa. sunday started a bit later than saturday, and most of the rest of the day was spent in the studio--cathy and mauren met up with their group to work on their environmental design projects, while i worked on my graphics final project on my laptop in one of the workrooms. i've decided to make it out to visit at least once a month until their program ends. cathy asked me if i thought Berlin was magical. i don't know if i'd go so far as to say that it's magical. but my weekend left me undeniably curious about what the city would have in store for us next time.
and now, a photo retrospective....
ze choozing und ze choizes
ze church of fear
morning view
the effect talking long distance with "the chad" has on cathy's posture
swapmeeting
wurst: 31 flavors
hot beef injection
digesting the day
on the way back, i fell asleep on the train, missed my stop at Duisberg (where i was supposed to change trains to get to Amsterdam) and woke up in Dusseldorf. -
missed all 3 trains to berlin, missing the last one by 2 hours. i get to central station and find out that there's a train leaving from amersfoort (45 mins. away) that´s headed to germany. but on the schedule, it said that that train´s final destination was hannover (2hr. train ride to berlin). i figured i´d go as far as hannover and figure things out from there. luckily, when i got to amersfoort, the train to hannover left from the same track. and when i got to hannover, the intercity train to berlin zoo. garten came 20 mins later. all told, i switched trains 4 times and took one taxi from the s-bahn station to the flat. this is the type of journey you can expect when travelling with me.
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i'm at an internet cafe just around the corner and down the street from cathy and mauren's flat (which by the way is incredible!). i've been to germany before but this is my first time in berlin and first time visiting someone, since i moved to amsterdam. they live in a really nice neighborhood (prinzlauer berg.), which is mostly inhabited by fellow artists and the like. what strikes me is the scale of everything here. the sidewalks are big, the buildings are big, the store fronts are big, the windows are people-sized. but what´s more intriguing is how the surroundings emanate this undeniable quaintness, somehow overshadowing the annonimity of grandeur. not even 24 hours, and i already love this place. last nite me and cathy went to grab late nite eats and as we were sitting outside and talking, it dawned on me that the last time we were together was at the foodcourt in the glendale galleria. and now, we´re in berlin! this is my life. i love my life.
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have you ever felt like you were stuck in the same day, living the same 24 hours, 7 days a week, for as long as you can remember?
it's like you're sentenced to repeat every mistake, ad nauseum. and it's your mind that's supposed to supply you with logic and rationale, the building blocks of sound judgment. your brain is, essentially, your last line of defense, the ringer you call in at the end of match when it seems nothing else can save your team. and that's how you deal with everyday shit, everyday. somehow, after filtering and processing the hourly onslaught of bullshit, your mind convinces you that things are bound to change; that it was just an unusually bad day and that tomorrow's a new one.
but what if you were stuck in the same day, living the same 24 hours, 7 days a week, for as long as you can remember? and what if your brain couldn't, or wouldn't, come to your rescue? how does it feel to be betrayed by your own mind? would "tomorrow" exist?
this is your life. now, dance. -
*edit*
i realized something important during my time in L.A.--i don't like L.A.. it's just that simple. the only things i miss about home are my friends and family (they're more people than things, really). i don't miss driving. i don't miss the shitty air quality. and i most definitely won't be shedding any solitary tears for the culture of wanton excess. it's everywhere and in everything from attitudes to serving portions, fashion trends to fashioned "ends". i had my doubts, even in this past year when i was, for the first time, really experiencing "L.A.". i thought to myself, "you're copping out. you can't do it, so you're copping out." but then i'd look at myself, my thoughts, my actions, and the fact of the matter is i WAS playing the game, wearing the costumes, and faking the funk.
frankly, it wasn't all that hard to do. so, i'm progressively closing in on the conclusion that it's simply a matter of personal choice and values. and by values, i don't mean to necessarily associate a hierarchy of virtues to what, to me, are merely individual preferences. i've never been one to pass judgment on others. it's just something i won't do. i know too well what that can and does do to a person.
that being said, i just don't want to live like that. i don't want to live IN that. what's that cheap and cliched "hollywood-ism" again? los angeles--city of lost angels is it? well, how long does a person wander around in aimless desperation before he's lost himself completely? that's actually a question i hope i never find myself answering with certainty.
i'm not exaggerating when i say i hardly ate during those 10 days. that new profile photo to the left isn't intended to be anything more than documented proof of how the body reacts to a mind assaulted. i think i dropped close to 6 lbs..
those are my new boxers, though. the boxers i'm showing off.
nearly all my friends, i quickly found out, either have jobs or girlfriends. which, in alot of ways, sounds redundant. those who already had significant others before i left for amsterdam, have now essentially relinquished all member access and priveleges to the brotherhood known as man. and by man, i mean single, non-whipped man.
which segues nicely into the following: i finally met up with jacinda today. she's good friends with susan. susan is brandon's [i.e. "access denied"] boo. we met once at the beginning of the summer, near the end of my stint in L.A., at the pig & whistle when she came out with "susanbrandon".
i think we exchanged maybe a handful of words with each other, just enough for me to find out that she'd be doing a semester abroad studying in amsterdam in the fall. we finally met up today and i realized that i had gotten a wrong impression of her, that random night months back. it wasn't that my intial take on her was negative. it wasn't. it was just different.
we met up at rembrandtplein, after i finished at the post office. and we sat on a bench for awhile, talking. on a side note, i didn't sleep at all last night and even 15 minutes before i met jacinda, i was struggling to stand upright at the post office and i'm certain i was looking at people, all cockeyed from fatigue. then this junkie sat down next to us as we were talking about travelling in europe and asks, "how would you like to be taken straight to colombia? 50 euro for the best [coke] and purest stuff on the continent." i complimented the guy on his sales pitch and we got up and left.
long story short(er), when jacinda talks, she's got this voice that resonates like lying in a hammock on the beaches of montego bay, feels. "refreshing" is the word i'm looking for here. what's more, we have practically nothing in common which i think is great. different is fun. learning is good.
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i got back to amsterdam yesterday morning, and since running a 45 minute relay race (2 flight cases and a suitcase; only two hands; figure it out) from the street to my flat, i have yet to fully gain consciousness or unpack. i'm running on empty.
first, before i drone on and on about the last 10 days spent in L.A., let me get some minor things out of the way. first, i'm wearing fresh boxers--they're brand spanking new. i haven't actually purchased any form of undergarment in something like 3 years. what a difference a day makes...another thing i haven't done in years, is try a new, what the french call a certain "toilet water"--that's cologne for all you spaniards. ain't nobody dope as me, i'm just so fresh, so semi-clean. -
*edit*
that last photo was taken right as i got out of the metro to my flat. you can see my building in the center. the one before that is a shot of the van gogh museum exterior.
fer fuck's sake!!!!!!!
i missed my flight. when will it stop????
on a lighter note, i got a chance to go to the UIT MARKT Festival--it's an outdoor event in and around the Museumplein (where the Van Gogh Museum is) marking the start of the new cultural season in Amsterdam (e.g. arts, dance, music, etc.). Redman was performing on one of the outdoor stages. here're some photos--just look at the clouds. hopefully, i'll be on a flight tomorrow. wish me luck. actually, screw luck. just give me a wake up call.
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