August 20, 2003

• as of 27 minutes ago, i am officially old. 24 years, to be exact. 1/3 life crisis? assuming i’ll live a lengthy life. it’s too early to tell. i worry too much, as it is, about where or what or who i’ll be. wonder too much about if the person i am right now, going the way i am, is the person i need to be to make material my ambitions. everywhere there’s doubt. everyday there’s illusion. my life, at present, is buoyed only by an unseen potential, a tentative faith and a tangible fear of failure–a 24 year out of body experience.
  
  i used to have intense nightmares when i was a kid. my family tells me i used to walk and talk in my sleep. some nights, i’d wake up, drenched in sweat and shaking uncontrollably. i’d reluctantly go to bed, uncertain if i would wake up the next morning. some nights, i’d jolt up out of bed, clutching my chest, unable to breath, my body on fire.. i was 11. the doctors didn’t have any answers. to this day, i haven’t found any either.
  
  happy birthday, brian.

  • 6:54 pm
  • 4 Comments